Adults also are always communicating but who is listening? As a parent my first responsibility is to listen to myself and find out what is going on within me and what my needs are and what the quality of my relationship is like with myself.

When we look more deeply at behaviours and see them as a communication about what might be going on with in a child it makes it easier to identify what their need is and to meet that need. When we look beneath our response to a child’s behaviour it makes it easier to identify our own need and to meet that need.

• Children’s challenging behaviours can range from bedwetting, tantrums, not eating, sibling rivalry, tidying up, school refusal, not getting on with a teacher or falling out with friends, struggling with learning or doing homework.
   
• Teenagers show their unhappiness through feeling down, anxiety, not studying, or studying too much, rebelling, falling out with friendships, telling lies, pushing boundaries, stealing, lying in bed all day, not communicating verbally, not eating or comfort eating, drinking, smoking or taking drugs. All these behaviours are about the young person trying to communicate how they are feeling and what they need.
   
• Common challenging behaviours which parents unwittingly manifest are , impatience, irritability, non-listening and stress. These behaviours are an attempt by parent unconsciously to communicate what they need.

‘Children are not out to make life difficult for adults, they are trying to show how difficult life is for them.’ And of course adults are not out to make life difficult for children, they are trying to show how difficult life is for them.

A Parent Mentor- supports you by

• Listening: The feeling of really being listened to is rare but when it happens it feels different because you know unconsciously that your opinion is being valued and your own wisdom begins to emerge from a wise unconscious place and you begin to become conscious of your own answers.

• Compassion: Experience has shown that judgement, blame and advice do not help parents (or anyone), what does help is compassion, even if your response to your child is anger, frustration, impatience, stress or confusion. Compassion is what allows us to make sense of our own behaviour and of others behvaiours and it is what allows us to see what is really needed.  In looking at your own response to your child’s behaviour with compassion for yourself you will realise how to respond in a way that communicates your love for your child in a way he or she understands.

• Sharing ideas: Parent mentors do not give advice but they will share their own experience as parents and ideas that you may find really helpful.
  All parent mentors are trained extensively in psychological and child development theory.

• No labels: A child’s behaviour is an act of communication, diminishing a child to a label not help the child. Children are often given labels such as ‘disruptive’ ‘ADHD’ or  ‘Aspergers’, however, what is more helpful is to ask ‘what is my child trying to communicate about what is going on for them?’ how can I see the wisdom of what my child is trying to communicate? ‘All behaviour is wise and makes sense’.